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Humor

September 2019
Breslin
Alive and Kidding

Debunking Some Old Wives' Tales

False. The caffeine in coffee will help perk you up, but it won't reduce the amount of alcohol in your body. So, in essence, coffee will just make you a more wide-awake drunk.

Levine
Levine's Levity

Breaking Away (From The Kiddie Lane)

I maximize my aerobic intake by always pedaling in the highest gear, so after 8 laps (6.85 miles) I have completed a good workout in an economical 40 minutes. A real bike tour on the open road would burn a lot fewer calories and take more time, I reassure myself.

Murphy
Social Insecurity

Call of the Wild Is Turning into a Whisper

I learned a long time ago to be leery when I pull into a campsite which, at first glance, appears to be perfect...If you soon notice hovering outside the windshield a cloud of mosquitoes wearing tiny bibs and slobbering like Pavlov’s dog, you might want to reconsider that particular spot.

Wolfsie

The Price Is Wrong

The other night, I jotted down every single detail that caught Mary Ellen’s eye, every item and home improvement on other people’s houses that she fancied as possibilities for our place. Then I did a quick online search for approximate costs. Your prices may vary.

July 2019
Witham
Ernie's World

Workout Blues

Navigating the gym can be a bit a workout all by itself. My gym has a giant speaker that hangs over many of the machines,
which, yes, before you ask, I do start up. Some days they play
nondescript music at a reasonable level and I can still read my book. Other days they play music at a level that makes dogs howl three blocks away.

Wolfsie

Stand Up Guy

We both got down on the rug in a sitting position, which for me was already way harder than I remembered. We squirmed, rolled around on the floor, grunted, banged into each other, and started laughing (which is good for your heart, so we accomplished something).

May 2019
Cohen
Dear Pharmacist

New and Novel Ways to Treat Diabetes

Statin cholesterol medications can easily predispose a person to developing diabetes. After a few months or years, you suddenly need to take medications for diabetes...there are dozens of prescription and over-the-counter medications which negatively impact your blood glucose levels, glycation end products and overall insulin sensitivity.

Fowler
Eat Right Now

Nourishing, Magical, Curative Mushrooms

The family of edible fungus holds vitamins A, C, B-complex, D, phosphorous, magnesium, iron, protein, and copper. The potassium in shiitake and maitake mushrooms relaxes blood vessels, hence, reducing blood pressure. Packed with fiber, mushrooms improve digestion, lower blood sugars, and fill you up quicker.

Slayback

Caution: Are These Drugs Really Cures?

We know drug resistant bacteria emerge with overuse of antibiotics. Sadly, seniors are prescribed more drugs than another age group, with doctors writing nearly 52 million antibiotic prescriptions a year — that equals one for each senior in the U.S. every year.

Duffy

Marry Alexa? It’s a Dull Proposal.

People tell me I need to just ask her yes and no questions, so I do. I asked her if baseball is the world’s greatest sport. She gave me an update on major league baseball. I appreciated her
effort, but she didn’t answer my question.

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