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Humor

March 2019
Breslin
Alive and Kidding

Trying to Recall ‘Steamy’ for My Romance Novel

I struggled for weeks to write the perfect romantic scene. Each time I finally managed to complete a few paragraphs, I would read them to my husband and ask him how they made him feel. He usually ended up laughing too hard to respond.

Lebel
Gray Matter

When You Can’t Sleep at 3 a.m.

Pull in your stomach and see how long you can hold it. Put a huge smile on your face and think of something funny/interesting to say if you met that person again. If you put your teeth back in before you do this it works better.

Murphy
Social Insecurity

Getting a Haircut Can Cause High Anxiety

“Deciding which type of haircut is right for you can be one of the biggest challenges senior men face. A hairstyle that worked 30 years ago may no longer look as good as it once did.”

I’ve got news, buddy, when it comes to senior men, NOTHING works or looks as good as it did 30 years ago!

Wolfsie

Survey Says…

 I scrolled all the way to the bottom of the drop-down menu and found the earliest birth year listed I clicked on 1918. I thought that might dissuade the life insurance sales people from pestering me with calls.

February 2019
Bardy
Laverne's View

Getting All That I Deserve

He then said that since his wife’s passing he’d only dated young women with tight derrieres, firm boobs and airbrushed skin. I assured him that we would never meet.

But, he wore me down, and we did meet, and despite my puckered skin, timeworn boobs and great-for-child-bearing hips, he wanted me because he liked my mind.

Goldfein

Taken Without a Grain of Salt

Have you ever considered smearing butter and jam on the cardboard shipping box containing your latest Amazon delivery? I guarantee you that it couldn’t taste much worse than what I was attempting to swallow.

Reid

My First Honeymoon

My suspicion they might be drinking on my wedding day was confirmed when Uncle Joyce came back outside for another cigarette. After finishing it, and stomping the butt out on the sidewalk, he walked face-first into the same door again!

January 2019
Bardy
Laverne's View

Just Another Day in Hell

 I explained that I have had countess decades to form friendships with vegetables, but it hadn’t happened, “so, while it’s difficult to believe that it’s ever going to happen, I understand the importance of at least inviting them to dinner,” so I promised I would.

Breslin

It’s Hard to Buy a Winter Coat in Winter

Discouraged, I headed home and actually tried to repair my old jacket. The results were so crooked, bunched up and hideous looking, the only place I’d ever wear the jacket would be in the woods…after dark. Even then, the wild animals probably would point at it and laugh.

Levine

Where, Oh Where Art Thou, Fellow Snowbirds?

Like Florida gators, it was possible that we could make friends on the water so we did take some intercoastal waterway cruises. These excursions featured the waterfront properties of the rich and ostentatious.

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