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Humor

September 2016
Bardy
Laverne's View

He’s Retired

I don’t do mornings. I do everything I can to bypass mornings. Generally, I struggle to lift my head from the pillow after a sleepless night during which I staggered to the bathroom at least three times. Mornings are when I need peace, quiet, and…in a perfect world…solitude.

Lebel
Gray Matter

Want Some Cheese with That Whine

Will my headstone read “If it wasn’t for all the whining, she would have been great.” Folks don’t want to be around naysayers and grumps; they want to be around positive people. I want to be one of those people. I knew I had to take action.

Wolfsie

Pailing by Comparison

In the intro, the author teases the potential bucket-neer: “Did you know that a 5-gallon bucket can be hacked, hot-rodded and upcycled?”  No, I didn’t know that. And by the way, now that I do know that, I still have no idea what that means.

August 2016
Ashley
The Old Gal

Groovy Words That Make You Sick

Not that I didn’t want to be “with it” ... but coming from a family of five children, two emotionally exhausted parents, an antiquated and always present grandmother, and an endless assortment of Catholic hierarchy about the place, I found it difficult enough to be heard, let alone, understood ... I didn’t want to risk using up my all too brief window of opportunity on having to explain that “bitch n’” was actually meant as a compliment before getting slapped for swearing at my sainted grandmother!

Lebel
Gray Matter

Crazy from the Heat

The truth is that extreme heat causes sun poisoning, burned shoulders, and looser ear wax. Hot weather makes us irritable, violent, and depressed. In other words, the heat makes you crazy. And I'm not kidding about the ear wax thing.

Murphy
Social Insecurity

You’re Only as Old as You Feel — and That’s the Problem

So how is it that we are in the midst of a presidential campaign and not one rising star from either of those generations is represented? All right, granted, you have to be 35 years old to qualify. But nowhere does it say that you have to be on Social Security!

Rosen

Early Morning Greatness

I then decided that a novel is a lot of words, maybe it should be a novella. After another week I decided I should write a short story. I now have decided to write the great American letter to the editor. I’m still working on it.

White-Walker
Agelessly Yours

The Way We Were, Isn’t The Way We Are

We do our very best but sometimes with age, we either mellow out like fine wine, or become more obstinate and sour, like vinegar. We struggle for more patience and tolerance – so allow me to quote a prayer that one of my friends says all the time: “Dear Lord, please put one hand around my shoulder and the other one over my mouth!”

Witham
Ernie's World

Humor Robots?

No, you haven’t just walked onto the set of a Star Wars movie, you’re at a Hilton. Or a Hyatt. Maybe even a Budget Motel, though C3PO might look more like a used wringer washing machine there.

Wolfsie

Georgia Still on My Mind

I once considered being a Walmart greeter. It looked like such a low-stress job, but a friend told me that he saw their employment contract and it included a reference to being nice to people. Like I’d sign something like that?

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