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Humor

May 2016
Wolfsie

A Week Without Joy

That, of course, is one of the dumbest expressions ever uttered by a married man. There’s only one thing I would want to do if I really were a bachelor for a week, and I think you know exactly what I’m talking about: I want to eat my dinner standing up at the sink.

April 2016
Bardy
Laverne's View

Hip, Hip, Hooray

I was sent home with volumes of paperwork and instructed to read it thoroughly. On page 23, I began to hyperventilate when I realized it was, basically, a crash course in how to keep my new hip from popping out, and what to do if my leg turns green and pulsates.

Smith-Brown
As I See It

Eek! A Creepy Critter!

The motion knocked him onto the hood of the car, but then the forces of nature were against us, for the wind racing across the hood threw him up against the windshield where all four legs were splayed out, his belly against the window.

White-Walker
Agelessly Yours

Tickling Your Taste Buds

It's a bloated uncomfortable feeling to haul around all your meals, drinks, and snacks for the last 30 years, but apparently it's not that discomforting because we don't go on that dreaded four-letter word — diet. Have you ever noticed how all the worst sounding words have four letters in them? Words like hate, evil, yell, pain, and that despicable F-word.

Witham
Ernie's World

A Working Vacation

Earlier, we had seen a turtle laying on the beach at Anaeho'omalu Bay – commonly referred to as A Bay by people who don't want to try to pronounce that many vowels. Then I watched all these tourists grunt as they tried to figure out how to set up their combo beach chair/umbrella/snorkel, fin, mask bag/organic smoothie maker.

Wolfsie

Whole Lot of Trouble

But at Whole Foods, almost everything on the shelves is edible – except stuff that is fat-free, gluten-free or sugar-free…which, come to think of it, is almost everything.

March 2016
Murphy
Social Insecurity

It’s Winter, It’s Cold, It Snows

It also seems as if a thermometer reading of minus ten degrees isn’t cold enough anymore, now we have to be further tormented with something called “wind-chill,” defined as the perceived decrease in air temperature felt by the body . . . blah, blah, blah. Or, what used to be more simply and colorfully referred to as “freezing your butt off.”

Murphy
Social Insecurity

Will Purr for Food

In contrast to cats, dogs make sacrifices for others. They rescue people who are in danger such as drowning or lost in the woods. Remember Lassie? Or Old Yeller? You never saw Fluffy the pussycat saving Timmy from a trained circus bear trying to act ferocious, did you? No, of course not.

White-Walker
Agelessly Yours

Give Me Yesterday’s Child

It took all my will power to not quote what a teacher actually once wrote on some kid’s report card to his parents. “The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

Witham
Ernie's World

Whose Name Is It Anyway?

It does make you wonder, though, if this corporate take-over of historic names could become commonplace. Might we soon be going to Spitting Geysers National Park instead of Yellowstone? Or Mount Rock Noses instead of Mount Rushmore?

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