Humor
As I See It
Eek! A Creepy Critter!
The motion knocked him onto the hood of the car, but then the forces of nature were against us, for the wind racing across the hood threw him up against the windshield where all four legs were splayed out, his belly against the window.
Agelessly Yours
Tickling Your Taste Buds
It's a bloated uncomfortable feeling to haul around all your meals, drinks, and snacks for the last 30 years, but apparently it's not that discomforting because we don't go on that dreaded four-letter word — diet. Have you ever noticed how all the worst sounding words have four letters in them? Words like hate, evil, yell, pain, and that despicable F-word.
Ernie's World
A Working Vacation
Earlier, we had seen a turtle laying on the beach at Anaeho'omalu Bay – commonly referred to as A Bay by people who don't want to try to pronounce that many vowels. Then I watched all these tourists grunt as they tried to figure out how to set up their combo beach chair/umbrella/snorkel, fin, mask bag/organic smoothie maker.
Whole Lot of Trouble
But at Whole Foods, almost everything on the shelves is edible – except stuff that is fat-free, gluten-free or sugar-free…which, come to think of it, is almost everything.
Social Insecurity
It’s Winter, It’s Cold, It Snows
It also seems as if a thermometer reading of minus ten degrees isn’t cold enough anymore, now we have to be further tormented with something called “wind-chill,” defined as the perceived decrease in air temperature felt by the body . . . blah, blah, blah. Or, what used to be more simply and colorfully referred to as “freezing your butt off.”
Social Insecurity
Will Purr for Food
In contrast to cats, dogs make sacrifices for others. They rescue people who are in danger such as drowning or lost in the woods. Remember Lassie? Or Old Yeller? You never saw Fluffy the pussycat saving Timmy from a trained circus bear trying to act ferocious, did you? No, of course not.
Agelessly Yours
Give Me Yesterday’s Child
It took all my will power to not quote what a teacher actually once wrote on some kid’s report card to his parents. “The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
Ernie's World
Whose Name Is It Anyway?
It does make you wonder, though, if this corporate take-over of historic names could become commonplace. Might we soon be going to Spitting Geysers National Park instead of Yellowstone? Or Mount Rock Noses instead of Mount Rushmore?
Living Forever in the Cyber-Cloud
These days, I can do whatever I want, with no silly accountability issues or painful consequences to fret over. The cyber-cloud may not be heaven, but at least I’m not going to fry in hell.
Circling the Drain
Watching Grandma Circle the Drain
Alkaline hydrolysis is only legal in two states: Minnesota and New Hampshire. Other states, including Ohio, California, Florida, Maine and Oregon have legislation pending. So, if hydrolysis appeals to you, you'll have to be sure that you include in your last will and testament, instructions for someone to drive you over the border.