Humor
Ernie's World
Hidden Gem
We had been instructed to “continue slowly up the private two-way drive for two miles, watching carefully for oncoming cars.” The steep, winding road was the exact width of our Honda Civic.
Playing Chicken!
Consumers Digest claims that the rotisserie chicken “looks cheap, but it’s really not, which can easily mislead people.” I remember my father saying something like this to my sister when she started wearing makeup in the ninth grade.
Laverne's View
He’s Retired
I don’t do mornings. I do everything I can to bypass mornings. Generally, I struggle to lift my head from the pillow after a sleepless night during which I staggered to the bathroom at least three times. Mornings are when I need peace, quiet, and…in a perfect world…solitude.
Gray Matter
Want Some Cheese with That Whine
Will my headstone read “If it wasn’t for all the whining, she would have been great.” Folks don’t want to be around naysayers and grumps; they want to be around positive people. I want to be one of those people. I knew I had to take action.
Pailing by Comparison
In the intro, the author teases the potential bucket-neer: “Did you know that a 5-gallon bucket can be hacked, hot-rodded and upcycled?” No, I didn’t know that. And by the way, now that I do know that, I still have no idea what that means.
The Old Gal
Groovy Words That Make You Sick
Not that I didn’t want to be “with it” ... but coming from a family of five children, two emotionally exhausted parents, an antiquated and always present grandmother, and an endless assortment of Catholic hierarchy about the place, I found it difficult enough to be heard, let alone, understood ... I didn’t want to risk using up my all too brief window of opportunity on having to explain that “bitch n’” was actually meant as a compliment before getting slapped for swearing at my sainted grandmother!
Gray Matter
Crazy from the Heat
The truth is that extreme heat causes sun poisoning, burned shoulders, and looser ear wax. Hot weather makes us irritable, violent, and depressed. In other words, the heat makes you crazy. And I'm not kidding about the ear wax thing.
Social Insecurity
You’re Only as Old as You Feel — and That’s the Problem
So how is it that we are in the midst of a presidential campaign and not one rising star from either of those generations is represented? All right, granted, you have to be 35 years old to qualify. But nowhere does it say that you have to be on Social Security!
Early Morning Greatness
I then decided that a novel is a lot of words, maybe it should be a novella. After another week I decided I should write a short story. I now have decided to write the great American letter to the editor. I’m still working on it.
Agelessly Yours
The Way We Were, Isn’t The Way We Are
We do our very best but sometimes with age, we either mellow out like fine wine, or become more obstinate and sour, like vinegar. We struggle for more patience and tolerance – so allow me to quote a prayer that one of my friends says all the time: “Dear Lord, please put one hand around my shoulder and the other one over my mouth!”