If the people around you say that you are not getting any younger, have hearing problems, and a short attention span, and are too set in your ways to be with them, then you are in the wrong crowd. They may just be too self-absorbed to see beyond themselves, or maybe, this crowd is just too young or inexperienced for you. “You cannot create experience. You must undergo it” wrote Albert Camus — and you sitting around a bar day after day does not create a wide range of experience.
Now, it’s not that bad to want to feel young and act younger than you are, but there are limits. They can be mental or physical. Physically, you may find out the hard way that you can’t play shortstop in baseball anymore, or even play center in basketball. Those are the easy limitations to spot. Physical boundaries begin to close in on you in a more overt sense: shrinking muscles and maybe height; maybe some rheumatism-affected muscles; slower than usual reflexes; or possibly a slight limp or jerky walk from the result of that small fall off the ladder when you were painting the house.
And then there is that jerky walk around your ego and self-esteem when you try to estimate if you have any limitations when it comes to the mental aspects of your social life. There are certain things you have to think about while analyzing your own mental condition when it comes to relating to others. How is your decision-making process? Does it work for you, and do others around you know what you mean?
Do you dig into facts when deciding, or are they based on whims and what-ifs from that old barrel in the back of your head? Others will know where it comes from and will know whether to believe you or shake their head at you.
Understanding, recalling, and the execution of instructions are part of adulthood. When you are asked to go to the store for a carton of milk, do you get it, or return with a chocolate bar and a soft drink?
That’s when your friends and relatives start to tell you to stay home and not socialize anymore and embarrass yourself. Memory, or better a bad memory, is a big part of this; that’s where making lists comes in.
Responding to those around you, and the usual situations; and adapting to routine changes in a social setting, are part of the mental aspects of life. You can’t act like a teen in a beer bar. Can you adapt to routine changes in the social setting around you? This is all part of your mental aspect of aging and socializing, important to keeping your balance in a shaky world.
Of course, you could live like John Lennon, “I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.” And if you do that, don’t be surprised if the people around you raise their eyebrows and walk away. Loneliness is an awful social life. There are some limitations in any lifestyle or age and they have to be realized, dealt with, and worked into daily life. You will be the one with problems and you will be the only one who can admit it and deal with it.
Patrick M. Kennedy does full-service editing and writing and has published several books. http://www.abetterword.com/ and http://www.funwithretirement.com/