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Humor May 2015

Unique Recyclables

By Eda Suzanne

The expert explained that our children and grandchildren don’t yearn for tea cups and saucers with matching cake plates, nor do they love antique furniture. Worse, since Florida and other retirement areas are flooded with these items, the resale is even less than if the items were sold “up North.”

Unlike many of my peers, I never yearned for a china cabinet when decorating my first home. My mother had one that literally covered one dining room wall. She collected assorted crystal or china knickknacks. The glass cabinet doors supposedly kept the dust off of what I called “Ma’s trophies,” but they didn’t do their job. My lack of desire for ever owning this piece of furniture, whose sole purpose to me was to be filled with dust collectibles, was probably sealed in my teen years during a biannual cleaning.

After I married, the top shelves of my kitchen cabinets were filled with similar dust collectibles that my husband and I received first as engagement and then wedding gifts. The collection grew whenever I entertained. More likely than not, no matter how expensive the item, it was stuffed into a cabinet, never needing to be cleaned.

When my parents retired to Florida in 1974, the year after we relocated for business reasons, my mother purchased another wall-to-wall cabinet to display her “trophies.” However, Ma made me promise that “when the time comes” I would have the mucho expensive display cabinet moved to my home. “Not only will you finally have a place for all of your beautiful things, but also the fine items you will someday inherit.”

I kept my promise. The items that are perched on the shelves are supposedly worth a fortune when new. However, those who have sold similar “treasures,” claim resale value is less than dinner for two at McDonalds. Much of this was confirmed last year when our community had an antique dealer do a mini-version of “The Antique Road Show.” It seems that my view of the “trophies” (glorified dust collectors), was two generations early. The expert explained that our children and grandchildren don’t yearn for tea cups and saucers with matching cake plates, nor do they love antique furniture. Worse, since Florida and other retirement areas are flooded with these items, the resale is even less than if the items were sold “up North.”

When we moved to Florida 41 years ago, the practice of dinner guests bringing house gifts to our home ended with the exception of out-of town visitors. This is fortunate or I would now, like my sister, need two cabinets to display everything. In Florida, if someone in my social group was entertaining, the new custom was for the guests to divide the cooking. I loved the idea. Not only did it reduce the cost of entertaining humongous groups especially at holiday time, but it also made it so much easier any of us to have large dinner parties. And making either a vegetable, noodle dish or dessert meant I didn’t have to bring or receive another expensive yet useless knickknack.

I was relieved to learn that the practice of sharing the cooking continued when we moved into our active senior community several years ago. On the occasions that the hosts insist on doing everything, people bring supposedly useful gifts such as note cards, fancy cocktail napkins or wine. In my home, the wine goes on the rack and the note cards and such wind up in the “re-gift” cabinet. The problem with this for me is when the time comes that I can re-gift, I’m chicken to do so for fear the recipient will know. This fear is justified. We once received a bottle of an unusual brand of fine wine with two gift cards. One signed by our gift-bearing guest, and the other, in a totally different handwriting said, “Have a Happy.” Obviously, we had no idea as to the original gift giver’s identity.

The bottle was placed on our wine rack where it remained until I needed a last second house present. I wrapped the vino. A few days later, I received a call from my friend, the gift recipient. She said, “I have to ask you something really embarrassing. Did you get that wine from the Smiths?”

I was mortified, but answered honestly. Then she burst out into laughter. Not only did she give it to the Smiths, but she received it from someone else.

 

Eda Suzanne (Lang) is a retired Florida teacher who now is a humorist and a freelance writer. Contact her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . Her book, Retired NOT Expired, is available on Amazon. Check out her website, www.edasuzanne.com.

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