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Humor January 2015

Remote Woes

By Eda Suzanne

Instead of illness being the number one conversation of old people, frustrations about technology, especially when we need to rely on phone technicians is much higher on the list. Last week the topic of conversation between friends was the wait in the Apple Store, not the doctor’s office.

Before we moved to our new home, my husband told me he was switching our phone, television and internet services to Comcast. “Is that the same Comcast Cable that went MIA for over a month after Katrina? I asked. (Hurricane Katrina stormed through Broward County, Florida, before destroying New Orleans.)

“Bundling saves big bucks, so it’s worth it to try it for a year. We can always go back to Bell-South for phone service if we aren’t happy.”

It’s been over five years; we still have everything with Comcast. I can fill volumes with frustrations people of all ages have with various cable and phone services, so to us, it is wisest to stay with the most economical. Instead of illness being the number one conversation of old people as perceived, frustrations about technology, especially when we need to rely on phone technicians is much higher on the list. Last week the topic of conversation between friends was the wait in the Apple Store, not the doctor’s office.

Recently, my husband accidentally pressed the lock button on our remote. The action turned off his set. He called Comcast. The first technician’s response was, “What lock button?” Hubby was put on hold. Obviously, the tech manual needed to be consulted. Useless advice was given. As a seasoned caller to Comcast, he knew to place another call because the next person might be more knowledgeable. It was no use. How to unlock the lock button was unfathomable to every technician. We took the next available house call — three days away.

The next morning we received a call from a man who said he was from the technical division in Philadelphia. He kind of said he was a super-duper phone adviser and could talk us through a way to fix the remote. It involved taking the box out of the cabinet and unplugging various wires. The only thing that was achieved by this action was the inside of the cabinet got a good dusting.

The next day, another person from the same squad called. He even insisted he had the know-how to spare me the inconvenience of a house call. All I had to do was move the massive entertainment unit away from the wall. To say I became irate is an understatement, especially since I had to say “I can’t” three times before he comprehended it was a physical impossibility.

The service man called at 6 o’clock the evening of our scheduled appointment between 3p.m. and 6 p.m. He claimed he could not come because he was “overbooked.”

I then called Comcast and somehow got through to the area supervisor. Forty-five minutes later, a service man I had previously nicknamed “Mr. Troubleshooter” arrived. He usually comes when the first few service men goof.

Because of what happened next, my gut feeling is the original repairman wouldn’t come because he had no clue how to fix the problem. Mr. Troubleshooter examined the remote before he went near the set and then, as he touched the side of the set, simultaneously supposedly accidentally dropped the remote. It crashed on my tile floor and...Voila! A picture appeared on the television!

I say Mr. Troubleshooter knew the button was jammed and by dropping the remote on the floor it would “unjam.” Hubby insists he pressed an input button, thus unlocking the television. He has yet to come up with a reason the special geek squad didn’t know this and had me crawling around the unit.

Oh…if we should ever chance to meet in person, let me know if you searched your remote for the lock button and then warned everyone never to press it.

 

Eda Suzanne, a retired Florida teacher, is the author of the satire "Retired Not Expired," a freelance writer and humorous public speaker. Visit her website www.edasuzanne.com , or contact her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

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