Dear Nora: I have an awkward problem and I don’t know how to manage it. I've been having an affair with a friend of my wife (actually it’s our next‑door neighbor) and I want to end it but I'm afraid she’ll spill the beans on me.
I know I'm in the wrong and I probably deserve to be in the doghouse for a little while but I never would have had an affair if my wife had showed me any affection.
We’ve been married for the better part of 40 years and I was faithful for most of it. I doubt my wife would kick me out but I’m sure she’d make life difficult for me. How do I end the affair and clean up the mess I made without having to deal with the drama? -Done with it all in Dallas
Dear Done: I'm typically sympathetic with such self‑inflicted wounds. I'm mature enough to appreciate that there’s two sides to every story and that we’re human, fallible, imperfect little beings quite capable of messing up, even when things are seemingly perfect. However, nothing about your query rewards you with that kind of understanding.
Your unconscionable arrogance earns my wrath, let alone your wife’s! Your only worry is that you’ll be made to answer for your shameful behavior, for a little while? Not a word about how hurt or ashamed of you your wife will be should she find out what a rat you are? Not to mention the embarrassment you’ve caused her when your accomplice gabs about the affair, because any woman capable of this kind of deceit is also just as capable of kiss‑and‑tell.
Speaking of which, couldn’t you find any of your own acquaintances to collude with? Couldn’t you throw your unfaithful net out a little further than next door? Obviously, it’s you who’s the lazy lover in the marriage, not your wife. Although, I suspect that you deliberately sh*t on your own doorstep as a cowardly attempt to flaunt your misbehavior, not hide it. If my old age counts for anything it’s that our actions tell the story far, far better than our words ever do.
Why are you able to complain to me about your wife’s hypothetically fading libido yet can’t bring yourself to mention it to her? Surely you didn’t think I’d provide you with absolution and a get‑out‑of‑jail‑free card, did you?
You not only deserve banishment to the dog house, you’ve earned every syllable of the impending wrath that will inevitably follow the exposure of your contemptible infidelity and I hope your wife’s “friend” gets caught in the crossfire, too!
Finally, yes, you do know how to manage this but I doubt you have the spine to do so. However, just for good measure, here’s the answer to the question; How do I end the affair and clean up the mess I made without having to deal with the drama?
Man up. Grow a pair. End the affair and beg for your wife’s forgiveness and deal with the drama you caused. Or (and this would be my preference if I was your long‑suffering wife), jump the fence and stay on the other side of it permanently. You and your neighbor probably share more than weak morals and boundary line. You sound well suited for one another!
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