Interesting Signs -- collected from books by Richard Lederer (Anguished English, More Anguished English).

• At restaurant-gas stations throughout the nation: Eat here and get gas.
• At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
• In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
• In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
• In a Michigan restaurant: The early bird gets the worm! Special shoppers luncheon before 11 a.m.
• On a delicatessen wall: Our best is none too good.
• On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law .– Sisters of Mercy.
• On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
• In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

• On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.
• In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
• In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy.
• On a New York loft building: Wanted; Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor.
• In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
• In a New York medical building: Mental health prevention center.
• In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses. No waiting.
• On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church.
• On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
• At a number of military bases: Restricted unauthorized personnel.
• In a number of parking areas: Violators will be enforced and Trepassers will be violated.

• On an Ohio highway: Drive Slower When Wet.
• On a New Hampshire highway: You are speeding when flashing.
• On a Pennsylvania highway: Drive carefully: Auto accidents kill most people from 15 to 19.
• In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No. End.
• In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
• In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers: Parking for birds only.
• In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends,
• In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. midnight.
• In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: Now serving live lobsters.

• On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
• In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
• On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant: Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience.
• In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
• In a Tacoma, Washington, men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits—$10.00—They won't last an hour!
• On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.
• Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
• On a North Carolina highway: EAT 300 FEET

• On a movie marquee: Now Playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!
• In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
• In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
• On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
• On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission.
• In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.
• On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.