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Reflections August 2016

Tunnel Visions

Birds of a Feather Make Strange Bedfellows

By Bonnie McCune

But as we struggle to walk, run, jog or crawl the rocky road through life, we’d be wise to value  the oil that keeps our society functioning smoothly. The most important thing to bring along on  the trip is human consideration and compassion, not opinions.

In my militant youth, I divided the world into good guys and bad guys. I judged my friends by their politics and philosophies. I figured if someone wasn’t at least a left-leaning semi-socialist, they neither cared about the good of society nor read literary novels nor hugged trees. They probably were boring and undoubtedly narrow-minded. Unlike me. I didn’t want to be around them. I’m sure I had acquaintances who didn’t fit, but I carefully side-stepped discussions in which certain issues might come up.

Fast forward post-marriage and babies, and my outlook changed. Radically. Perhaps it was the consistent disruption of my nights by noisy if anti-war neighbors or the littered mess similar folks left in the wake of their parades and demonstrations. Perhaps it was the lackadaisical attitude of clerks in natural foods stores and cafes, who placed more importance on chatting with their friends than providing service.

I’ve come to believe that walking the walk absolutely over-rides talking the talk. Courtesy is critical, the kind of courtesy rooted in respect, not necessarily in etiquette books. Does an individual cut me off in traffic? His numerous bumper stickers supporting the candidate of my choice don’t prevent my knowing he’s a rude ass. The advocate for the homeless who dumps construction materials from his remodeling all over the alley gets zero points from me for his philanthropy.

This is especially true for people who make hard and fast stands on ethical issues. Puh-leeze. You’re not going to convince me by screaming. Just because you think the system of tipping service staff is patronizing and outmoded, you can’t force me into neglecting a gratuity. And if I want to snitch a few fronds of dried greenery at the end of the summer from a neighbor for an arrangement, don’t excoriate me as a thief.

Holding to one conviction that concurs with my own doesn’t necessarily mean all our ideas will harmonize. So what if you ardently support early childhood literacy when you also love dogs and want them prancing leash-free around the park? I’m scared of them, and I’ll continue to scold dog owners who don’t restrain their pets.

To my surprise, I’m finding some of the nicest, most thoughtful people I know are ones whose choices on the ballot wouldn’t come close to replicating mine. Yes, people should express their opinions. Yes, they should live their lives and conduct their personal affairs as they wish.

But as we struggle to walk, run, jog or crawl the rocky road through life, we’d be wise to value the oil that keeps our society functioning smoothly. The most important thing to bring along on the trip is human consideration and compassion, not opinions.

I’ve learned to moderate my own principles over the years. Stereotypes can creep unnoticed into the mind, and I think a good practice is to question any beliefs that spring to mind automatically or unconsciously, especially if humans are relegated to groups of objects. My own embarrassing examples? Suburbanites are obsessed with possessions. Southerners aren’t very well educated. Men are more violent than women. I haven’t become expert at this practice, but I’m trying.

By moderating my beliefs, I’ve widened my circle of acquaintances. By behaving graciously, I’ve facilitated my ability to get along with many more types of people than when I was newly hatched. While politics can make strange bedfellows, civility brings even stranger fellows into close contact. But to my way of thinking, at least the sheets are clean and the blankets tucked in properly.

 

Bonnie McCune is a writer and has published several novels as well as other work. Reach her at www.BonnieMcCune.com.

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