I’ll admit it. I’ve committed the only unpardonable crime in America. It has nothing to do with a legal infraction that could easily be handled by hiring a competent lawyer. It’s more like a social crime against our modern society. I didn’t make elaborate plans or check out questionable Internet websites. The crime crept up on me like a thief. You know how you go to bed one night feeling great but awaken in the morning with a raging cold? That’s how I feel.
My crime is a common one committed by women all over the world. It’s something that unites us in a sisterly bond. It’s the crime of growing old. Without the aid of Botox injections, lip plumpers, $500 creams, or any kind of cosmetic lift I’ve allowed age to walk all over my face. And the bad news doesn’t stop there. It goes all the way up to my silvery crown and all the way down to my fragile tootsies. Some readers may relate to my predicament and feel as guilty as I do.
Guilty of aging, guilty of doing little to prevent it. If Cover Girl, Max Factor, or Mary Kay took me to court, I wouldn’t stand a chance. The jury would peek at me and refuse to leave the box. With one unanimous voice, they’d scream the word I knew was coming. I’d be carted off to the nearest jailhouse operating room where a teenager dressed in white would transform this matron’s face into that of a youngster’s.
Thankfully, politicians haven’t yet passed a law making growing old a criminal offense. But I have a feeling the day’s coming when anyone sporting a line, wrinkle, age spot, crow’s foot, or sagging jowl will be hauled off to a cell, strapped in a chair, and poked with needles until all signs of aging are erased. Plastic surgeons may have a little more trouble eradicating the chicken neck on us oldsters, but they’ll chop away until all loose skin is wrapped around, behind, or between our ears. The youth fixation sweeping our nation may be symptomatic of a greater disease. If people are dissatisfied with their lives, perhaps they think altering their face will make them happy, but those of us who have the advantage of age know true happiness cannot be purchased with a Blue Cross card.
My New Year’s resolution is simple. I’m going to continue aging as fast as possible so I don’t have to undergo the knife when growing old becomes a felony. I’m sure a youthful appearance is already mandated in many workplaces. Just look at the people delivering televised news. Unless they’re under 25, each face has been sandblasted prior to going on camera. Ditto for politicians and actors. Catch them off screen and they might scare you. Even people who thought they were improving their looks can give you a fright.
When did our society get so sophisticated that any outward sign of aging is considered repugnant? I remember the face of my grandmother. Each line told the story of her life. She was widowed at a young age and left with five children, the youngest being eight years old. She never remarried. I don’t know the history of how she survived without her husband, but she soldiered along as best she could. Grief, worry, and responsibility left their marks on her face, but it would have been unthinkable for her to eradicate what the years had bestowed.
My mother’s face didn’t show the passing of time and sorrow as much as her eyes did. Just looking into Mom’s lovely green eyes could bring tears to my blue ones for her eyes captured the turmoil that escaped her face. Or maybe I didn’t notice lines across her forehead or creases around her mouth because she was my dear mother and her physical appearance didn’t matter. That’s the way it is with the people we love.
Occasionally I startle myself when I see a mirror at Walmart and realize the lady looking back at me is me. Maybe you’ve had the same experience. Often we forget what we look like until we unexpectedly run into ourselves. When we realize the woman in the mirror is not a look-alike, on a good day we’re rather pleased with our reflection. Other days are best forgotten. So if Santa didn’t bring you that $9000 gift certificate for makeover surgery, be happy. Embrace your face knowing you’re beautiful just as you are.
You know what I mean don’t you?