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Reflections September 2015

Phase Three

Keep Goals and Dreams at Any Age

By Arnold Bornstein

Although the emotions are similar, regret is usually about something we didn't do. Disappointment is about something we didn't get.

My friend, a psychiatrist, once told me that I have "goalitis." I wasn't one of his patients and I asked indignantly if having goals is an illness. He jokingly (I assumed) said yes because at my age I still had goals and dreams of wanting to "hit it big."

I recalled this incident when my wife and I went to Atlantic City for a couple of days. When going there, I usually said jokingly, "I have a feeling that this time I am really going to hit it big," meaning that I am going to pull the slot machine handle and hit a huge jackpot – the kind for which they put your picture on the wall by the casino entrance.

That wasn't what my friend the psychiatrist had in mind, however. He implied, I think, that a senior shouldn't dwell on goals, but instead focus on and enjoy the everyday aspects of life, and that substantial goals and dreams are for younger persons and their churning ambition to achieve major accomplishments in their fields.

I respectfully disagree with that viewpoint. History has repeated itself often with stories of persons who achieved greatness later in their lives, but for me and many others, accomplishing our goals doesn't have to involve greatness – but for some people sometimes it does.

Harry S. Truman was a political machine politician in Missouri and was selected as President Franklin D. Roosevelt's vice presidential running mate for political reasons. When Roosevelt died in office, Truman became president and went on to become an outstanding president, according to modern historians.

"Late bloomers" have achieved greatness throughout the world in many fields.

Not only for seniors, but for people across the entire age spectrum, goals and dreams are not necessarily related to great achievements, nor is their pursuit of "goalitis."

The pursuit can involve learning to walk again after a stroke or accident, or losing a certain amount of weight, or getting into college, or trying to find the "perfect" mate, or getting the job you wanted, or as a youngster dreaming of hitting a game-winning home run in the last inning of the final game of the World Series.

It can also simply mean overcoming a disappointment or reversing a regret.

Psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers once wrote: "Disappointment is an unfulfilled dream, a result of working hard and not achieving our goal. Regret, on the other hand, stems from having failed to work hard or maybe even to notice that we want something. Although the emotions are similar, regret is usually about something we didn't do. Disappointment is about something we didn't get."

In any case, dreams and goals help make people look forward to the future and help make the world go round. Imagine living life without them, at just about any age – and that certainly includes seniors.

As a senior, you have had your share of disappointments and regrets. However, count the blessings in your life, particularly when you look back at loved ones, relatives and friends who are no longer with us. In the pursuit of happiness, taking care of yourself and others, and in enjoying your life – you obviously retain goals and dreams. Clearly, sitting home "and looking at the four walls" isn't something that you like to schedule.

I like what comedian Groucho Marx once wrote:

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I just have one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

In reality, hitting a slot machine jackpot or winning big at a casino gaming table aren't like the everyday dreams and goals that we have had since childhood. They may reflect the elements of chance, luck or fate that also exist in various forms in life, but failure or disappointment or regret in gambling are substantially different from what they are in our everyday lives.

For the record, I didn't hit it big in Atlantic City, nor in those state lottery tickets that I tried once in a great while. To me, "hitting it big" wasn't primarily about money. It was more about succeeding in an undertaking that I had a dream and/or goal about. I have a wonderful wife, children grandchildren, and happiness, and that is really hitting it big.

In any event, on one trip to Atlantic City, I was waiting to board the chartered bus when a dive-bombing bird let go with some droppings, which narrowly missed my head and only grazed my shoulder. My luck hasn't been bad!

 

I can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

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