Relying on an IRA today that is invested in stocks is like trick-or-treating in the big city when we were kids. Just when we had walked up and down dimly-lit city streets until our recycled grocery bag was nearly full of candy – some big bully with chocolate dribbling down his chin would come up from behind, grab the bag, and empty its contents into his already bulging sack. Then he would run off laughing, leaving us fighting back tears and, literally, holding the bag!
It’s the same way with the stock market. Things are looking good, then overnight some bully like China or Greece decides to pull some financial shenanigans sending their economy into a tailspin, causing hyper-investors to pull back, leaving seniors like myself holding the bag!
Almost makes one pine for those good-old-days, candy bag bullies or not. At least then one could recover his losses quickly with a little extra leg work. Yet, even if there was still time to head back out and hit as many homes as possible before the porch lights all went out, a guy’s candy still wasn’t safe after returning home where my brothers and I would anxiously dump out our bags’ contents to get a better look at the night’s bounty.
Next step was to split up the candy into different piles based on quality. Anything the least bit healthy looking, say some sort of pumpkin cookie or some baby carrots, was relegated to the “Do not eat!” group. Whereas, full-sized candy bars were neatly stacked in a place of honor.
Of course, due to the fact that our mother lode of sugar was now fully exposed and vulnerable to attack, constant vigilance was necessary to protect the goods from devious brothers who could lock onto the location of a Hershey almond bar with a radar-like natural instinct. Just turning one’s head for a second could result in an attempted candy coup and major outbreak of a battle royal.
I eventually had to grow out of the trick-or-treating age, become an adult, get married and start handing out candy myself. They say it’s better to give than receive, but, in this case, I’m not so sure.
Once we had children of our own, the Halloween “fun” resumed. We made a classic mistake with our first child of allowing him to over-indulge and eat way too much candy before we made him turn in for the night. He was so wound up that we feared his bed would bounce out the door and down the street like some moonlit phantom.
When our three boys got old enough, we would sometimes host a Halloween party for their friends. One advantage to having three messy little boys was that we could provide a scary looking house of horrors without changing a thing. It was the normal state. In fact, our oldest boy’s room was such a mess that even when his pet hamster’s door was accidentally left open and it could escape if it so desired, it chose to stay in the safety of its cage!
At the parties, the kids played the usual Halloween games although one year I goofed and had the kids bobbing for watermelons which led to some near disastrous results. All the boys are grown and on their own now, so my wife and I stay home and give treats to neighborhood kids. Again, like the stock market, we’ve discovered that if we invest big in candy bars, the bigger the dividends returned in smiles even masks can’t hide.
Mike Murphy retired after a 35-year teaching and coaching career. He has a master’s degree in English from the University of Nebraska and is an Associated Press award-winning columnist.