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September 2012

Two White Poodles and the Green-Haired Woman

She was the loudest, and the flashiest of Auntie’s customers. She was, in fact, the widow of the legendary Hank Williams.  She was by far the liveliest of Aunt M’s dignified customers, and one could always hear her before they could see her.

Puttin' on the Gritz

The Saving Grace

A giggle sifts through the swell of noise from behind me. It is a woman old enough to be her own mother. The genius who invented name tags deserves a Nobel Prize. "Old age is when former classmates are so gray, wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you."

Ernie's World

Gains and Loses

"...beginning immediately we are going to start charging you a quarterly maintenance fee for this account, equal to about six times your annual interest take. And we are going to charge you a monthly maintenance fee on your non-interest bearing checking account, so that our corporate leaders can continue to lead a lifestyle that you can only dream about."

April 2012
Agelessly Yours

Pain in My Foot Becomes a Pain in Their Neck

Have you ever had an operation that was a resounding success, but recovery stunk all because you didn't follow the doctor's orders? You never spent a minute in medical school, yet you knew more than the doctor?

June 2012
Ernie's World

It's All Neanderthal Man's Fault

It's not that I don't like char broiled foods, you understand. It's just that like a lot of guys I tend to like more technologically advanced cooking procedures, such as calling take-out. Also, I try to avoid any activity that makes me look foolish (not counting golf).

August 2012
Laverne's View

How Much Is That Doggie . . .

The one time we gave in to our longing we bought a darling, energetic, puppy and named him Spike. After exhaustive weeks of training him, we were forced to accept that we were too old to deal with a high strung, yapping puppy, so with tremendous guilt and sadness, we found him a good home and swore never to do that again.

Ernie's World

Just want to be... Stuck in the middle with you...

Another reason I chose Independent was a purely guy thing. I didn't know if all those "California Girls" the Beach Boys sang about were Republican or Democrat and I wanted them to know I go both ways -- so to speak.

July 2012
Ernie's World

Men With Wieners and the Women Who Love Them

It was our turn to host the annual Fourth of July barbecue, and my wife had left me in charge of the main course after I assured her that I couldn't possibly screw-up something as simple as hot dogs.


What’s So Funny?

In other words, Dad didn’t get it and passed it to Mom, who found it too annoyingly true to be humorous.


Everybody Needs a Grumpy Old Uncle

Those nieces and nephews are now all adults with children of their own and fondly remember their visits when they were young. When they plan to drop by, they ask their kids if they would like to go for a quick visit to see "Grumpy Old Uncle Jim."

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