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Humor November 2016

Vintage Vibes

Slip and Slide Thanksgiving

By Elaine Marze

I opened the door to discover that most of our guests had arrived at the same time. Standing in a large puddle of dirty water and dripping gumbo I smiled sweetly and said, “Y’all may want to abstain from hugging us and just slip-slide through the water and gumbo to wherever you can find a clean spot.”

This month, family members and friends will come together to share a meal, fellowship and hopefully give thanks for our blessings. Many of us volunteer our homes for the big gatherings, and sometimes it can get a bit stressful cleaning house and preparing the perfect holiday meal for a large group. And, yes, the older I get the harder it is to get everything done on time.   

Some Thanksgivings are more memorable than others like when we invited aunts, uncles, cousins and friends to join the rest of our family for seafood gumbo which is a tradition in many Louisiana households. I had spent hours chopping onions, garlic and peppers, stirring roux, and peeling shrimp. Shortly before our guests were to arrive, two huge cast iron pots full of savory gumbo were bubbling on the stove when my husband decided that it would be better to pour the pots into one giant crockpot. I didn’t think it was a good idea, but I began ladling the gumbo into the crockpot. Ever helpful, my hubby decided it would go faster if he picked up the heavy, hot pots and dumped the gumbo into the crockpot, which he proceeded to do. I don’t know what went wrong, but my bumbling helpmate dropped the pot of hot gumbo! The only place it didn’t land was in the crockpot.

Cast iron bounced off the stove top splashing hot gumbo on its way to the ceramic tile floor where it crashed and splashed a whole lot more. You wouldn’t think that cast iron would bounce, but bounce it did. Gumbo went everywhere – even the ceiling! We were standing in gumbo, and it was dripping off our hair and faces, burning as it streamed down skin and clothes. A shrimp was dangling from Mr. Helpful’s glasses, and pieces of chicken and sausage were sliding down the walls.

As blistering dark liquid soaked into my clothes, I asked my husband (as calmly as could be expected) to remove himself from the kitchen and leave the cleanup to me, but in the spirit of the Thanksgiving season I did tell him I’d appreciate it if he emptied the Rainbow (vacuum that cleans with water) basin on his way out of the kitchen.

What was I thinking? As my clumsy kitchen assistant was taking the basin of dirty Rainbow water to dump it outside, he must have slipped on gumbo because just as the doorbell rang, my husband dropped the two-gallon container of nasty liquid upside down right in front of the front door. His verbal response was not fit for sensitive ears!

What else could I do? Since Mr. Supreme Mess-Maker wasn’t in a mood for cheerful welcoming, I opened the door to discover that most of our guests had arrived at the same time.

Standing in a large puddle of dirty water and dripping gumbo I smiled sweetly and said, “Y’all may want to abstain from hugging us and just slip-slide through the water and gumbo to wherever you can find a clean spot.”

There was a shortage of gumbo that Thanksgiving Day, but thankfully there was plenty of pecan pie. Everyone was certainly thankful that this memorable Thanksgiving dinner happened to us and not them.

 

Elaine Marze can be contacted by email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

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