Wow! Talk about things you never thought of…
Turns out my parents didn’t lock-in my naming rights when I was born, so now they are up for grabs. My current owner, my wife, has not decided whether to keep “Ernie” or change my name to “Majestic” or something.
“Majestic? Seriously? How about ‘Big Trees?’”
“That makes you sound like an old blues artist.”
“Cool! Maybe I’ll buy another harmonica. For some reason they keep disappearing every time I start practicing.”
“Ah, yeah, that’s a real mystery.”
“Okay if not ‘Big Trees’ for a new name how about ‘Half Dome?’”
“Now you are getting closer.”
Turns out the National Park service did not lock-in their naming rights either and now global concessionaire, Delaware North, a company that really needs a new name, like ‘Smuck’ or something, is demanding $50 million dollars in ‘name’ ransom for the Ahwahnee and Wawona hotels in Yosemite National Park.
The National Park Service is refusing to pay Delaware North for the Native American names (that I’m sure they never even paid the Native Americans for). Therefore, in March, The Ahwahnee Hotel will become the Majestic Yosemite Hotel, and The Wawona Hotel, which has had its name since 1882, will become Big Trees Lodge.
Curry Village will become Half Dome Village and Yosemite Lodge at the Falls will become Yosemite Valley Lodge.
Even Badger Pass Ski Area, California’s oldest ski resort, will have its name changed to Yosemite Ski and Snowboard Area, much to the chagrin of the local badgers, who have always been way behind bears, deer and coyotes in having things named for them.
Aramark, another global concessionaire, is taking over the running of all the concessions in the park and appears to be caught between El Capitan and a hard place as far as the names are concerned. One of their first tasks will be collecting and destroying gazillions of t-shirts, sweatshirts, coffee mugs and shot glasses with the old names on them. Not to mention all the maps, guidebooks and tourist info brochures.
And, of course, they’ll have to make new signage for all these places, which might be a boon for local sign makers unless Aramark brings in their own sign people from places like the former Yugoslavia that have experience in name changing. Or maybe, to save money, they can hire young campers in art workshop to do cross-outs and paint-overs.
I have a personal interest here. We visit Yosemite National Park, whose name is also in possible jeopardy (Granite Outcroppings National Park? A River Runs Through It National Recreation Area?) almost every year. I have a number of logo items. Matter of fact, I am wearing a formerly green, now somewhat indistinguishable gray, Yosemite Badger Pass sweatshirt as I write this that I have had for decades. Should I just throw it away?
“Yes! Please!”
“What about the ‘Love My Big Wawona’ long underwear I consider part of my lucky ski gear?”
“Those are gone, we had to cut you out of them when your ski ended behind your neck and your leg swelled to the size of a redwood tree.”
It does make you wonder, though, if this corporate take-over of historic names could become commonplace. Might we soon be going to Spitting Geysers National Park instead of Yellowstone? Or Mount Rock Noses instead of Mount Rushmore? How about if the Grand Canyon gets a new concessionaire that also handles all the major golf courses and becomes Big Divot National Park?
Nobody is quite sure how all this will shake out if it ends up in court. Maybe it will make it all the way to the Supreme Court. Some of those justices were around when the park opened. Others probably have no idea we even have national parks.
“I got it! What if you rename me Grizzly? That way if they ever lose the rights to the animal names, we can make a lot of money, too.”
“Hm, okay, but I think I’ll call you Porky Pine.”