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Advice & More January 2017

Ask Miss Nora

Hair-raising Nonsense

Did you seriously think you were this stylist’s only client? Did you really think his flattery was anything other than good self-promotion? You most definitely are being silly!  Return, enjoy your appointments, complete with flattery, fussing and hug until you find a better salon. This is a business to make money, not a dating service.

Dear Miss Nora: I feel so foolish! I have been going to the same local hairdresser for a few years now and although he’s not very good, I’ve remained loyal because – and I’m ashamed to admit this – he’s so very charming. He gives me such a lovely hug when I arrive and flatters me the entire time I’m there. He recommends movies and music and seems to be interested in me. It’s lovely to be complimented and made to feel so special. I would always be so excited for my next appointment that I felt like a schoolgirl going on a date!

I’ve been married to the same man for over 40 years and the closest I’ve ever gotten to a compliment from him is when he asked if a dress I was wearing was new! It wasn’t.  However, I stopped in to the salon unexpectedly to change my scheduled appointment and overheard my hairdresser behaving the same way with another female customer. I felt so betrayed that I’m afraid I left without rescheduling. I’m considering never going back again but where oh where will I go? I don’t think I can just ignore the insult and go back like nothing ever happened. Am I a silly old woman?           — Let down in Tulsa   

Dear Let Down: Brace yourself, I’m going to give it to you straight …

Did you seriously think you were this stylist’s only client? Did you really think his flattery was anything other than good self-promotion? You most definitely are being silly!  Return, enjoy your appointments, complete with flattery, fussing and hug until you find a better salon. This is a business to make money, not a dating service.

There. Now, with all that said, I suspect that this trivial incident hurt so deeply because you’ve been ever so slightly love-starved for a while now – a 40-year marriage with little or no affection to show for your time is difficult, so I do understand why you’ve substituted your husband’s nonexistent warmth for some stranger’s on the side!

However, you make no mention of any other activities so I’ll assume your appointments with this Casanova are your only guilty pleasure. I advise you to use this as an opportunity to stretch yourself a little and find something else that fills the gaps in your routine. Join your local senior center.  Find a weekly activity that allows you to meet people and enjoy some genuine attention … and perhaps then you’ll feel confident enough to find a better than adequate hairdresser.

As for your husband’s inattentiveness, you’re not alone. I repeatedly asked Walt to pay more attention to me, to be more romantic, to actually compliment me once in a while and not just ask how much something costs when I ask if he likes an outfit or not – or, I threatened –  I’d start looking for someone who would!

Once he stopped laughing he agreed to try and make more of an effort. To be fair though, he did have a point. The effort it would take to find, train and actually live with someone else at my age is more offensive to me than putting up with Walt’s idea of a compliment.  After my ultimatum, he did try. We were at a restaurant, all candlelit and dreamy, soft music, attentive wait staff, ambiance overload…Walt leaned over, looked deeply into my eyes, my heart raced, and then he pronounced that he could hardly see my mustache in the dim lighting!

I guess I should have been more specific.

 

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